Maybe I dont want to be a part of your world
Ok so I am going to lighten things up a little bit by doing another movie review, this one on my favorite disney movie.... The Little Mermaid. Don't get me wrong it's gunna hurt me deep down inside to do this but there is some things about this movie that I just need to get out to the world.
Ok so the movie opens with all of Tritons daughters getting reading to welcome Ariel to the under sea kingdom with a little performance. So everyones there and mr Triton is pretty damn excited to see his "little Ariel" and guess what when she is supposed to pop out of that clam shell, GASP she isn't there. It's pretty damn typical because what good would a movie be if it didnt have a rebelious teenage mermaid? the answer is no good. So her and her best friend a fish (Flounder), because obviously she is too good for the merpeople, so they are down at a shipwreck and flounder is being a 'guppy' and they find some 'treasures' and then a shark comes along and SURPRISE they get away. I don't care how much of a good swimmer you are you cannot out run a shark when he wants to eat you.
So then she goes to the bad place aka the surface (dun dun dun) to meet her other friend, the seagul, again not a merpeople. So her daddy dearest finds out and forbids her because she is only 16 tisk tisk. But one thing I would like to know is where is her mother, she needs guidence, or does mr Triton just procreate with random fish?? So mr Triton gives the Jamacan crab the job of watchin her, so she 'swims' away and goes and sulks in her grotto (what happens in the grotto stays in the grotto) and she has all her thing-a-ma-bobs (she's got 20) but who cares no big deal she wants more. So she gets all upset so what does she do, she goes back up to the surface because thats what she does when she is upset. So she see's fireworks and is like "que?" so she swims closer and IT'S A BOAT oh my. So couriosity killed the mermaid and she swimmed closer and shimmied up the boat so get a closer look. So this is where me and Ariel are quite the same, we like to creepily stalk handsome men. So she watches Prince Eric from afar for an unknown amount of time, and they blast off some fireworks and present Eric with a pretty little statue of himself (which face it, we all want a statue of ourselves, I know I do) So a flash storm arises and the ship is going tossy and turvey and lighting sets the ship ablaze and GASP there is gun powder, now thats just asking for trouble. And one thing that I just thought of is why the hell are they out in the middle of sea, they wernt fishing, didnt look like they were comming back from battle, was it just a party cruise?? I tell you one thing, if it was and I was a cartoon I would sooo be hittin up that party fo sho. So anyways back to the storyline, so the ship is on fire and sexy Eric is makin sure everyone gets off the ship and he is all wet from being in the sea, and oh no MAX, Max is still on the ship!! so Eric hops back into the chuck and gets his dog off the boat but during this heroic measure he is blown up and knocked unconcious and is thrown into the sea. So Ariel, the stalker that she is rescues him, which is a good thing because a movie without Eric, is not much of a movie at all. So she takes him to land and caresses his face and sings to him, which face it in real life, without CPR he would be toast, but its a movie so he lived (thank god) So he semi comes to and sees her face but Max and Grimm ruin it by finding him so she goes back into the sea and finishes her song, cuz she really wants to be a part of his world.
So she is in her dressing room all humming and happy and all her sisters are like ohh she is in love yada yada (but it;s creepy becasue the man doesnt know she is alive and hey I dont know about you but thats what my whole highschool life was me likin a guy, he not knowing I was in exsistance, even if I rubbed his face and sang to him while he was sleeping) so Sebastian is all paranoid and avoiding the king, but the king knows that Ariel is in love and he is all excited because he thinks he will have mergranchildren (even tho she is 16, 16 people) so Flounder has a little gift for her, it's the statue, which I know what you are thinking, how did a little fish get a concrete statue into the grotto? But thats beside the point, Sebastion ends up spilling the goods to the king and he zaps all of Ariels thing-a-ma-bobs (she no longer has 20) so she hates her dad now and goes to the sea witch to aid her. So the sea witch, who is a very ....large, very...homely octopus says that Ariel is a poor unfortuante soul and agrees to help her if she gives her her voice and says that she has to kiss Eric to stay a human , and pretty much win their bet (but I can't help but think that she is pretty much pimping the poor girl) so she makes Ariel a human at the bottom of the sea, again she should have drowned before making it to the surface, but hey who am I to say. So she is trying to walk but can't cuz she has legs!!! So then perfect timing Eric comes along, and she has a fancy little gown made from a sail. So Eric is all sexy like and trying to rescue her but she can't talk so he takes her to his palace (note to self, not talk to men maybe they will take me home) So Eric thinks he is falling in love cuz he is all smiling and happy, but is unsure becasue the girl he has been looking for could talk and sing. So they spend some time out on the town and she is trying to get him to mack on her, but Eric aint no hussy. So they are on a row boat, and here comes the sexy song, there he see's her, sitting there across the way, she dont got a lot to say but there is something about her, he doesnt know why but he's dying to try, he's gunna kiss the girl, but alas the sea witch foils this and they don't kiss. So the witch transforms herslef into a human and sings for Eric and puts him under a trance and they are gunna get married. Ariel is a devestated little mermaid, and is on the verge of being turned back into a mermaid without her man. So they all go after the wedding ship to sabatouge the whole affair and she gets her voice back and sings and Eric is all like "Ariel" and he runs to her to kiss her but too late, she is turned back into a mermaid, and is now property of the sea witch. But her dad is like no take me, cuz he is feeling guilty and there is no better way to say I am sorry than daming yourself for eternity to the sea witch. But Eric wont let his love get away again, so he goes after her, so romantic, and he spears the witch and they get in a battle and then he does a hit and sail with a ship and fast forward to a hapy ending where her dad makes her a human and the get married and live happily ever after yada yada.
In conclusion I am pretty upset that Eric would go through all that to get Ariel, a 16 year old girl when he could have a real woman, like me, who did not put him through all of that trouble. One day he will realize his mistake and we will live happily ever after.
Ok so the movie opens with all of Tritons daughters getting reading to welcome Ariel to the under sea kingdom with a little performance. So everyones there and mr Triton is pretty damn excited to see his "little Ariel" and guess what when she is supposed to pop out of that clam shell, GASP she isn't there. It's pretty damn typical because what good would a movie be if it didnt have a rebelious teenage mermaid? the answer is no good. So her and her best friend a fish (Flounder), because obviously she is too good for the merpeople, so they are down at a shipwreck and flounder is being a 'guppy' and they find some 'treasures' and then a shark comes along and SURPRISE they get away. I don't care how much of a good swimmer you are you cannot out run a shark when he wants to eat you.
So then she goes to the bad place aka the surface (dun dun dun) to meet her other friend, the seagul, again not a merpeople. So her daddy dearest finds out and forbids her because she is only 16 tisk tisk. But one thing I would like to know is where is her mother, she needs guidence, or does mr Triton just procreate with random fish?? So mr Triton gives the Jamacan crab the job of watchin her, so she 'swims' away and goes and sulks in her grotto (what happens in the grotto stays in the grotto) and she has all her thing-a-ma-bobs (she's got 20) but who cares no big deal she wants more. So she gets all upset so what does she do, she goes back up to the surface because thats what she does when she is upset. So she see's fireworks and is like "que?" so she swims closer and IT'S A BOAT oh my. So couriosity killed the mermaid and she swimmed closer and shimmied up the boat so get a closer look. So this is where me and Ariel are quite the same, we like to creepily stalk handsome men. So she watches Prince Eric from afar for an unknown amount of time, and they blast off some fireworks and present Eric with a pretty little statue of himself (which face it, we all want a statue of ourselves, I know I do) So a flash storm arises and the ship is going tossy and turvey and lighting sets the ship ablaze and GASP there is gun powder, now thats just asking for trouble. And one thing that I just thought of is why the hell are they out in the middle of sea, they wernt fishing, didnt look like they were comming back from battle, was it just a party cruise?? I tell you one thing, if it was and I was a cartoon I would sooo be hittin up that party fo sho. So anyways back to the storyline, so the ship is on fire and sexy Eric is makin sure everyone gets off the ship and he is all wet from being in the sea, and oh no MAX, Max is still on the ship!! so Eric hops back into the chuck and gets his dog off the boat but during this heroic measure he is blown up and knocked unconcious and is thrown into the sea. So Ariel, the stalker that she is rescues him, which is a good thing because a movie without Eric, is not much of a movie at all. So she takes him to land and caresses his face and sings to him, which face it in real life, without CPR he would be toast, but its a movie so he lived (thank god) So he semi comes to and sees her face but Max and Grimm ruin it by finding him so she goes back into the sea and finishes her song, cuz she really wants to be a part of his world.
So she is in her dressing room all humming and happy and all her sisters are like ohh she is in love yada yada (but it;s creepy becasue the man doesnt know she is alive and hey I dont know about you but thats what my whole highschool life was me likin a guy, he not knowing I was in exsistance, even if I rubbed his face and sang to him while he was sleeping) so Sebastian is all paranoid and avoiding the king, but the king knows that Ariel is in love and he is all excited because he thinks he will have mergranchildren (even tho she is 16, 16 people) so Flounder has a little gift for her, it's the statue, which I know what you are thinking, how did a little fish get a concrete statue into the grotto? But thats beside the point, Sebastion ends up spilling the goods to the king and he zaps all of Ariels thing-a-ma-bobs (she no longer has 20) so she hates her dad now and goes to the sea witch to aid her. So the sea witch, who is a very ....large, very...homely octopus says that Ariel is a poor unfortuante soul and agrees to help her if she gives her her voice and says that she has to kiss Eric to stay a human , and pretty much win their bet (but I can't help but think that she is pretty much pimping the poor girl) so she makes Ariel a human at the bottom of the sea, again she should have drowned before making it to the surface, but hey who am I to say. So she is trying to walk but can't cuz she has legs!!! So then perfect timing Eric comes along, and she has a fancy little gown made from a sail. So Eric is all sexy like and trying to rescue her but she can't talk so he takes her to his palace (note to self, not talk to men maybe they will take me home) So Eric thinks he is falling in love cuz he is all smiling and happy, but is unsure becasue the girl he has been looking for could talk and sing. So they spend some time out on the town and she is trying to get him to mack on her, but Eric aint no hussy. So they are on a row boat, and here comes the sexy song, there he see's her, sitting there across the way, she dont got a lot to say but there is something about her, he doesnt know why but he's dying to try, he's gunna kiss the girl, but alas the sea witch foils this and they don't kiss. So the witch transforms herslef into a human and sings for Eric and puts him under a trance and they are gunna get married. Ariel is a devestated little mermaid, and is on the verge of being turned back into a mermaid without her man. So they all go after the wedding ship to sabatouge the whole affair and she gets her voice back and sings and Eric is all like "Ariel" and he runs to her to kiss her but too late, she is turned back into a mermaid, and is now property of the sea witch. But her dad is like no take me, cuz he is feeling guilty and there is no better way to say I am sorry than daming yourself for eternity to the sea witch. But Eric wont let his love get away again, so he goes after her, so romantic, and he spears the witch and they get in a battle and then he does a hit and sail with a ship and fast forward to a hapy ending where her dad makes her a human and the get married and live happily ever after yada yada.
In conclusion I am pretty upset that Eric would go through all that to get Ariel, a 16 year old girl when he could have a real woman, like me, who did not put him through all of that trouble. One day he will realize his mistake and we will live happily ever after.
posted by Stephanie at 2:16 PM
2 Comments:
frick...how do u come up w this stuf....i quite enjoyed that...quite much.
why thank you, i live to make you smile ha ha ha
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