Show me the Beast!!
Here is my indepth thoughts on Beauty and the Beast. Also I apologize for this being long but it had to be to get it all in.
So the movie starts up with a pretty little stained glass sequence with a selfish little bastard prince (as most good movies do) where he is telling a nasty ol' witch to take a hike (which who wouldn't? I know I wouldnt let a old hag in my castle to try to get into my little prince pants). So she gets all up in her buisness and turns him into a beast ( and he's the one with angerment issues???) And then the life long question is asked, "For who could ever learn to love a beast?"
The pan into a little provincial life and you find our leading lady, Belle, walking along reading a book ( geek). And let me tell you it must be some damn good book to not notice that EVERYONE in town is following you singing about how odd you are. And when she is signing about her favorite part of the book and the lamb eats the page and she just smiles and keeps on singing.......... yea pretty sure that lamb would be my new jacket. So what would a movie be without a burly stalker? Not a Disney movie thats for frickin sure. So said burly stalker is Gaston, who strikes me as burly papertowel mascot, and is followed by three blondes who clearly resemble the Dixie Chicks.
So Belles quack of a father goes to an invention fair and decides to take a short cut, which hasnt anyone frickin learned never to take a dark and foggy shortcut then get lost and blame it on the horse??!!!! So yes what do you do, you break and enter into a catsle that looks like death. So I don't know if this is normal in "Provincial life" but casually drinking out of a child talking cup is considered pedifilism in North American Life. So the angry master of the castle (beast for those not so privleged) storms down and throws the old coot in the dungeon. Who needs police when you have your own personal jail!!!
So cut back to yet again a man in tights planning a surprise wedding for a very 'lucky' unsuspecting lady. How could she refuse such a gracious marital promise as his "latest kill on the fire", but as every self ricious disney bimbo, she wants much more than that provincial life. So she declines the offer, which id retarded because he is like the hunkiest man in town , cuz pretty sure if this 'setting' was on Quadra, I would be one of those blonde dixie chicks trying to vie for his attention, secretly wishing Belle would fall in a hole and die.
So Belle decides to go look for her father ( yea sssmmmaarrtt, dumbass why do it yourself when you have a man in tights just busting to do what ever you want) So she reaches the castle and and the first think the talking fixtures say is, "A girl in the castle??", they say this like she's a straight girl looking for love in a gaybar; wait... is there something that the beast isnt telling us?? Would he prefer Gaston were in the castle? Belle finds her dad in the dungeon, but the beast finds her and the stupid girl, instead of running in fear she asks him to "come into the light", and we get a glance at the beast sultry ocean blue eyes. So she trades her life for her dads, which is noble because if that was the case in my life I'd have to say, "We'll it was a good run dad, hope you like it here, peace".
So now we see a a very glum Gaston ( a very close resemblance to me on prom night) but somehow bursting into a song makes one feel a lot better, especially a song about how great you are ( sadly I never thought about doing that at prom)
*Zap* back to the castle and we see the beast watching Belle in his magic mirror. Frick what goes down in the sick ass provincial life, no wonder why Belle wants out. So the Beast yells at Belle and she runs away, she should be grateful that he didnt throw her back in the dungeon after she broke the rules and went into his room and played with his flower. Screw the staple car chase, we have a classic horse and wolf chase scene. B & B have a little fight at the castle but now have an 'understanding' and the Beast discovered that he loves the girl, and then there is the beautious tale as old as time song that melts his (and mine) icy heart.
So now the beast is blinded by the light (aka love) he let's Belle go, just before the spell is broken, damn it must be love, cuz if I were the beast I would have kept her at that castle until she learned to love me. So Gaston's men go after the Beast (mostly so Gaston can get his balls back) Then comes the tale old fight.... man vs. furniture. But damn and blast Gaston shanked the Beast and he dies, but Belle cries and 'breaks' the spell which brings the Beast back to life. BUT turns him into a sexy non beast man, but you can't help but notice the dissapointed look in Belle's eyes, she wanted to do dirty things to the hairy Beast.
I guess she didn't want more than that sick provincial life.
So the movie starts up with a pretty little stained glass sequence with a selfish little bastard prince (as most good movies do) where he is telling a nasty ol' witch to take a hike (which who wouldn't? I know I wouldnt let a old hag in my castle to try to get into my little prince pants). So she gets all up in her buisness and turns him into a beast ( and he's the one with angerment issues???) And then the life long question is asked, "For who could ever learn to love a beast?"
The pan into a little provincial life and you find our leading lady, Belle, walking along reading a book ( geek). And let me tell you it must be some damn good book to not notice that EVERYONE in town is following you singing about how odd you are. And when she is signing about her favorite part of the book and the lamb eats the page and she just smiles and keeps on singing.......... yea pretty sure that lamb would be my new jacket. So what would a movie be without a burly stalker? Not a Disney movie thats for frickin sure. So said burly stalker is Gaston, who strikes me as burly papertowel mascot, and is followed by three blondes who clearly resemble the Dixie Chicks.
So Belles quack of a father goes to an invention fair and decides to take a short cut, which hasnt anyone frickin learned never to take a dark and foggy shortcut then get lost and blame it on the horse??!!!! So yes what do you do, you break and enter into a catsle that looks like death. So I don't know if this is normal in "Provincial life" but casually drinking out of a child talking cup is considered pedifilism in North American Life. So the angry master of the castle (beast for those not so privleged) storms down and throws the old coot in the dungeon. Who needs police when you have your own personal jail!!!
So cut back to yet again a man in tights planning a surprise wedding for a very 'lucky' unsuspecting lady. How could she refuse such a gracious marital promise as his "latest kill on the fire", but as every self ricious disney bimbo, she wants much more than that provincial life. So she declines the offer, which id retarded because he is like the hunkiest man in town , cuz pretty sure if this 'setting' was on Quadra, I would be one of those blonde dixie chicks trying to vie for his attention, secretly wishing Belle would fall in a hole and die.
So Belle decides to go look for her father ( yea sssmmmaarrtt, dumbass why do it yourself when you have a man in tights just busting to do what ever you want) So she reaches the castle and and the first think the talking fixtures say is, "A girl in the castle??", they say this like she's a straight girl looking for love in a gaybar; wait... is there something that the beast isnt telling us?? Would he prefer Gaston were in the castle? Belle finds her dad in the dungeon, but the beast finds her and the stupid girl, instead of running in fear she asks him to "come into the light", and we get a glance at the beast sultry ocean blue eyes. So she trades her life for her dads, which is noble because if that was the case in my life I'd have to say, "We'll it was a good run dad, hope you like it here, peace".
So now we see a a very glum Gaston ( a very close resemblance to me on prom night) but somehow bursting into a song makes one feel a lot better, especially a song about how great you are ( sadly I never thought about doing that at prom)
*Zap* back to the castle and we see the beast watching Belle in his magic mirror. Frick what goes down in the sick ass provincial life, no wonder why Belle wants out. So the Beast yells at Belle and she runs away, she should be grateful that he didnt throw her back in the dungeon after she broke the rules and went into his room and played with his flower. Screw the staple car chase, we have a classic horse and wolf chase scene. B & B have a little fight at the castle but now have an 'understanding' and the Beast discovered that he loves the girl, and then there is the beautious tale as old as time song that melts his (and mine) icy heart.
So now the beast is blinded by the light (aka love) he let's Belle go, just before the spell is broken, damn it must be love, cuz if I were the beast I would have kept her at that castle until she learned to love me. So Gaston's men go after the Beast (mostly so Gaston can get his balls back) Then comes the tale old fight.... man vs. furniture. But damn and blast Gaston shanked the Beast and he dies, but Belle cries and 'breaks' the spell which brings the Beast back to life. BUT turns him into a sexy non beast man, but you can't help but notice the dissapointed look in Belle's eyes, she wanted to do dirty things to the hairy Beast.
I guess she didn't want more than that sick provincial life.
posted by Stephanie at 12:39 AM
1 Comments:
I bet you want to do dirty things to the beast too.
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