Here we go again

You know this happens to me every now and again and I don't really know why. It's not as if anything triggers it really. But I am going through my 'depression' I suppose I will call it. It happens when I get stressed or angry I guess. But I was fine this morning, just a regular morning, and I WAS having a good day at work until right at the end and I suppose that was what brought this on. The girl I work with is an amazing person but she isn't always the best person to work with, so to make a long story short she stole the last customer of the evening even though she was ahead on sales so she totally killed me in sales which isnt fair because she was just being greedy and there is a lot more behind it but it's all work oriented and all that. So then that got me mad because it makes me look bad to our manager, district manager and owner. So it just makes me feel as though I am not good enough when I look at my sale numbers. So of course thinking I'm not good enough at that makes me think of what else I am not good at. For example I have no life goals, so I suck at life, I suck at being just so many things. If I was more ambitious I could maybe do something meaningful with my life or at least feel like I acomplished something. Then again I suck at being confident and I suck at being me because maybe if I liked myself a little more maybe other people will like me a little more.
Even writing this I don't know who I am. Even as everyone said in our class survey "Stephanie is funny" well maybe I don't want to be known as that. Like is there anything else to me other than "i'm funny". Funny is part of me but it;s not who I am. I act 'funny' because there is so many stuck up fuck heads in this world that I try to make it a little easier to get along. But maybe I want to be known as nice or generous hard working, loving, a great person. And I suppose my friends will all say that I am those things but I don't think other people see it.
There are people in this world that make me feel miserable about myself, they make me hate myself. For example taking something I said, twisting my words NOT EVEN ASKING ME what they meant then making me the bad guy telling EVERYONE what I DID but not bother clearing it with me what I meant in the first place. So that right there makes me feel how I do, how can taking who I am and telling everyone what a horrible person I am make me feel better. It doesnt, it just makes this person feel better about themselves because they are turning it all about them which is what they do with everything. It just doesnt make fucking sense to me. Because I would not personally try to victimize this person like they are doing to me.

So there we go this is how I feel I feel like crying I feel like hiting something and I feel like giving in. I get to this point and I just don't know what to do how to go about it and how to fix it. This always happens right when I think that my life is starting to get good. One person has to go and fuck it all up. THANKS