when I was young....... (a parody)

Born on the banks of a river in Zimbabwe, born with diamonds in my hand. I was a fortunate child, until Leo killed my mother and stole those diamonds from my hands, my bare hands. The cuts from my hands covered the diamonds in blood, they were blood diamonds. To this day I still have the scars where that man, Leo D, took those diamonds. Like taking candy from a baby, he took diamonds from a child. That sick bastard. If I ever find myself in Zimbabwe again, Leo will meet the wrath of the space cowboy.

(these were not true events)