Why doesnt a man in tights ever come and rescue me??
Ok so the other day I was watching Snow White. Don't get me wrong I love it, it's a Disney Classic and it shaped the way the Disney company is today. But while watching it I couldn't help but have an opinion on some stuff. So if you will be offended to bad it's how I roll.
Ok so it starts with the Queen asking her mirror on the wall who is the farest one of all, well no shit he is gunna say snow white you old hag. First of all you lock yourself in a tower, get some sun sicky and maybe you should let your hair down instead of locking yuor face in that crazy little hat of yours. So how does she deal with this?? She gets someone to assasinate her step daughter. Yes thats how you will win her love, kill her, kill her good. But how does she know that once her step kid is dead that someone else wouldn't be prettier?? My prediction would be she kills the entire kingdom, cuz she aint that pretty.
So then snow white is in the courtyard scrubbin some stairs and she is all singing, cuz thats what people do when they wash things (aka cinderella). So she is like " Someday my prince will come blah blah blah" and then creepily there happens to be a prince on the other side of the wall and he is like " What is this a girl who wants some prince ass? Alright" so he hops the wall and sneaks right up to her and just starts singing and she is like OH SHIT and runs into the castle and is all scared. Well you have to give her props on this becasue she is like 12 and a man comes up behind her. It's like the olden day internet preditor. So then they have their little duet and she loves him now and her Step mom just gets even more pissd off because he doesnt like her cuz she isnt the fairest one of all.
Then Snow White runs into the forest so she doesnt get killed and she befriends all the animals (which I must admit is cool because I would like animal friends) So they lead her to a little cabin. And she is like oh it's where little children live ( way to nieve Snowey) So she is like well maybe if I clean it they will let me live here. So she pretty much enforces slave labour and makes the animals clean things (hello animal rights) So then she is all sleepy and goes and sleeps upstairs, Which is nasty because she didnt wash the sheets and god knows the dirty little dwarfs dont. So the only possibilities are lice, herpes, chlamydia, fleas you know to say the least. So the dwarfs all come home and they make the retarded dwarf go up to see what the monster is. And if yuo think about it SW is a lucky girl becuase they could have raped her and she may have had a dwarf baby. But luckily they let her stay because they all have crushes on her. But the wicked step monster finds out where she is and decides to do her own dirty work to kill Snowey. She should have known if you want something done right yuo have to do it yourslef. So she transforms into a old hag ( what she truly is) and poisons and apple. So she goes and finds snow white and of course SW lets her in the house ( jackass) even though her animal friends warned her ( why didnt she listen, its the point of having friends) and so the Step monster tells her that the apple is magic and so SW being the 12 years old she is wishes for a prince to come and save her yada yada. Then she bites the apple and dies.
So of course the dwarfs were like 5 seconds too late and they kill the Queen, which is too bad cuz now she will never be the fairest in the land. And the encase SW in a glass coffin so they could still she her. It's a good thing people don't decay in fary tales. So they show the seasons pass and then it's spring and they open up the coffin (ewww) and the Prince comes and kisses her ( ewww necrofiliac) so then she comes alive and he is probably like damn, cuz he wanted a dead girl. So he puts her on his horse and they leave. I would be like I aint your property bitch, date me first tool, I want to live with the little men. But no selfish SW just leaves the poor little Dwarfs behind. I bet she never even invited them to the wedding tisk tisk.
Whore!!
But in conclusion I dont think it's fair she was dead the sexy creepy man in tights could have come and courted me, I was alive. It just goes to show you, you have to be a dead princess to get the sexy man in tights.
Ok so it starts with the Queen asking her mirror on the wall who is the farest one of all, well no shit he is gunna say snow white you old hag. First of all you lock yourself in a tower, get some sun sicky and maybe you should let your hair down instead of locking yuor face in that crazy little hat of yours. So how does she deal with this?? She gets someone to assasinate her step daughter. Yes thats how you will win her love, kill her, kill her good. But how does she know that once her step kid is dead that someone else wouldn't be prettier?? My prediction would be she kills the entire kingdom, cuz she aint that pretty.
So then snow white is in the courtyard scrubbin some stairs and she is all singing, cuz thats what people do when they wash things (aka cinderella). So she is like " Someday my prince will come blah blah blah" and then creepily there happens to be a prince on the other side of the wall and he is like " What is this a girl who wants some prince ass? Alright" so he hops the wall and sneaks right up to her and just starts singing and she is like OH SHIT and runs into the castle and is all scared. Well you have to give her props on this becasue she is like 12 and a man comes up behind her. It's like the olden day internet preditor. So then they have their little duet and she loves him now and her Step mom just gets even more pissd off because he doesnt like her cuz she isnt the fairest one of all.
Then Snow White runs into the forest so she doesnt get killed and she befriends all the animals (which I must admit is cool because I would like animal friends) So they lead her to a little cabin. And she is like oh it's where little children live ( way to nieve Snowey) So she is like well maybe if I clean it they will let me live here. So she pretty much enforces slave labour and makes the animals clean things (hello animal rights) So then she is all sleepy and goes and sleeps upstairs, Which is nasty because she didnt wash the sheets and god knows the dirty little dwarfs dont. So the only possibilities are lice, herpes, chlamydia, fleas you know to say the least. So the dwarfs all come home and they make the retarded dwarf go up to see what the monster is. And if yuo think about it SW is a lucky girl becuase they could have raped her and she may have had a dwarf baby. But luckily they let her stay because they all have crushes on her. But the wicked step monster finds out where she is and decides to do her own dirty work to kill Snowey. She should have known if you want something done right yuo have to do it yourslef. So she transforms into a old hag ( what she truly is) and poisons and apple. So she goes and finds snow white and of course SW lets her in the house ( jackass) even though her animal friends warned her ( why didnt she listen, its the point of having friends) and so the Step monster tells her that the apple is magic and so SW being the 12 years old she is wishes for a prince to come and save her yada yada. Then she bites the apple and dies.
So of course the dwarfs were like 5 seconds too late and they kill the Queen, which is too bad cuz now she will never be the fairest in the land. And the encase SW in a glass coffin so they could still she her. It's a good thing people don't decay in fary tales. So they show the seasons pass and then it's spring and they open up the coffin (ewww) and the Prince comes and kisses her ( ewww necrofiliac) so then she comes alive and he is probably like damn, cuz he wanted a dead girl. So he puts her on his horse and they leave. I would be like I aint your property bitch, date me first tool, I want to live with the little men. But no selfish SW just leaves the poor little Dwarfs behind. I bet she never even invited them to the wedding tisk tisk.
Whore!!
But in conclusion I dont think it's fair she was dead the sexy creepy man in tights could have come and courted me, I was alive. It just goes to show you, you have to be a dead princess to get the sexy man in tights.
posted by Stephanie at 2:16 PM
9 Comments:
haha that was one of the best things I've ever read .. and so true too. You should think about doing a series - Little Mermaid, Cinderella. They're all classics but they've got some serious "oh man" moments in them.
You know it's true I think I may have to. But I don't know if I can live with myself if I add the Little Mermaid. It's my favorite. But we will see. I know I could write some stuff about Beauty and the beast and Cinderella
Noor wins major pink cupcake action for recommending your site. That was terribly amusing for the most part. And of course +8 pink cupcakes for your review. (why you may ask-cuz it's a multiple of 4 and that's all that really matters) Look forward to meeting you Stephanie.
Cheers,
Julia
are you ok.lol
How old are u? LMAO
que?
haha you have some random stalkers steph.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I know hey. It's probably because I am so great and funny. But they should unmask themselves!!!!! And DONT TELL ME HOW TO MAKE MONEY
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